Anthem for 17-Year-Old Muslim - Lee Jiawei

What passing-bells for you who prays to Allah?
Only the monstrous anger of G. Keerthi.
Only the spluttering idiot’s putrid prattle
Can patter out your anguished affectation.
No mockeries now for you; no prayers from Fongs,
Nor any screams of adulation save the choirs, -
The shrill, demented choirs of wailing Smiths,
And fangirls laughing at your spare tyres.
What candles may be burnt to cheer you up?
Not in the hands of boys, but on a cake
Shall shine the holy glimmers of your sweet seventeen.
The genius of this parody shall be my gift:
No pork, nor lard can desecrate this day,
For this 4th of Feb be your happy birthday!

Jiawei's dedication to Anish on his 17th birthday. Hilarious, yes yes cool guy own this i have to admit